Sobriety Is My New Normal
Others need to accept it too
It has become apparent to me this last few days that my sobriety may still not be taken seriously.
can you believe it?! Starting this holiday on a high with strong feelings of not wanting to drink, this is now niggling me a little.
Desperately trying to rise above what people think is a constant drama in my own head that nobody else sees. So I am back again, writing this down to try and make sense of it all. Am I over reacting? Imagining that the party I am with are in denial that I won’t drink again.
No. I am not, my sister asked me outright last night with a look of complete bemusement on her face. The conversation went a little like this:
Sister: “so you are never going to drink another drink again?”
Me: “Not an alcoholic one no. Why?”
Sister: “I just can’t believe it, what about Christmas or celebrations?”
Me: “They will still come wether I drink booze or not!”
Sister: “You’ll miss out on the fun!”
Me: “I’m more fun without it, I am funny, I’m happier now than when I was drinking. I don’t need the booze to have fun”
Sister: “I couldn’t do it me, I can’t put up with him (her partner) does it not get in your nerves when people are pissed around you?”
Me: “Not one bit. look how calm I am now, I have more patience than ever not drinking, alcohol makes me anxious and things annoy me more when I drink and we end up arguing. Watching him (hubby) drink amuses me most times.”
This seemed enough to satisfy her for now, I could tell though that I wasn’t fully getting through.
Moreover, there was not a peep from hubby, I’m sure his bravado of being an independent thinking macho man is just for show! I feel he would rather see me ridiculed than to help fight my corner. But not a peep, just sat there. No support, no pride in what I am doing. I dare not look at him for suspicion he had the same mocking look on his face that my sister had. (Deep breaths 1,2,3…)
Well dear sister, hubby and anyone else who’s not convinced of my sobriety. Keep watching and hopefully learning. I aim to live fully my life and not numb it endlessly with the poison you all call fun.
