My husband’s Drinking
Sobriety Changes You
Why does my husband’s drinking bother me so much? Sobriety will inevitably change you, it gives you back your life. A life you wouldn’t have realised you were losing to alcohol until you stop.
Drinking alcohol also changes a person, when we drink we often lack motivation and begin to care less about our appearance. Our mood deepens into depression and problems, even the simple ones become enormous challenges.
Facing Challenges
Having faced some of those challenges this week it’s been yet another tough one. However I stayed sober, and I am so thankful I did as I began to voice my husband’s drinking habits.
On Monday I dealt with a long-increasing problematic issue with my spouse. He still drinks, too much in my opinion, and doesn’t understand my lack of enthusiasm for the stuff anymore. The crazy thing is this is not just my opinion, he has previously agreed with me it’s becoming a problem and has on many occasions tried to cut back. Usually, it’s at a time before a holiday so his reward is weight loss to be beach ready. Not the ideal answer to wanting to get healthy but at least it is something.
Recently my lack of drinking is making me wonder. Could it be propelling his drinking further? A defiance sort of thing. At the moment I feel consumed with trying to find ways to motivate him to lessen his intake but all it seems to be doing Is building resentment on both sides. Thankfully we are not arguing but in fact, I have instigated some talking.
Hard conversations
Our Monday morning conversation on My husband’s Drinking revealed to me that he thought I had changed and he hadn’t. As far as he could see I had stopped drinking booze, stopped eating vegetables (I’m trying Carnivore right now), and stopped drinking coffee (this I will explain in a food post). Strangely he has never asked me why or tried to understand my reasons. I see the look of disinterest, I hear his disapproving feedback from other people he has discussed it with yet he has never broached any concerns with me. He feels he has a belief that people and I quote can “do what they want to do, be who they want to be”. Ironically to some extent, I agree, but how can I live by this statement if the effects are negative ones to other people?
The above changes I have made, for me, are for my health, you all know by now I take my health very seriously. I’m coming up to 49 years old. Getting older is not a problem for me, becoming old, now that’s different. I’m not ready to “become old”. Most women realise heading towards fifty our bodies go through changes. I am most certainly perimenopausal. And true to myself, this is something I have researched in depth. So how can I be blamed for making these changes to make myself a better person and not end up on HRT? I just don’t understand.
Difference of Opinions
From my point of view which I did manage to voice was that he has changed, I told him so when he said he hadn’t. He’s all that I describe above when you drink alcohol. His response, he is doing exactly what he wants to do. I made it very clear at that point that he is doing nothing. “You have got to live,” He sites back at me. I fail to see how sitting in an arm chair, evening after evening, getting wasted on booze is living?
From our rather intense discussion, I heard that he feels a little neglected. I make myself busy you see. I work 5 days a week and on Monday evenings I go to sewing classes. Most mornings I am up at 5am and hit the gym by 6am. I try to play squash once a week and I have recently re-discovered our gym spa. Additionally, I sew projects at home, make graphics for this blog, and read whenever I can. That is living is it not?
Ways to Motivate a Drinker
Many times I have invited hubby to join me, he doesn’t enjoy the gym he explains. In reality, he wouldn’t be up early enough. I have tried to encourage him to go fishing more, even offering to sit with him and read. Furthermore, he has a classic car, there have been many opportunities for us which I have proposed to go for a drive. His car has been sitting in the garage for 1 year now uninsured. His perception of this is very different from mine. He likes to drink, that’s it. What he fails to see is that his life revolves around if he can drink or not.
Remembering
Having been married almost 24 years drinking has, as most couples been an integral part of our life. Our society expects it of us, It’s “what we do” However, I remember him saying to me in his early years that he would never let alcohol dictate what we did. Unfortunately, we have let that happen and it is so difficult to climb back.
It’s as strange for me as for him to think I will never drink alcohol again. It’s a massive adjustment for both of us. My husband’s Drinking does bother me, I worry about his health but I am unsure of how much more I have to give. On my side, I just need some support and understanding. At this point, I question if that is possible, all I can do is keep striving forward and making myself happy.
Instagram: @clubsoberuk
