I Will Stay Sober

One Day At A Time

Wow, there have been some tough days this week. Enough so that I contemplated grabbing a bottle of wine on Tuesday to help me ‘forget’. Pleasant experience it was not. That night, thankfully I chose not to drink “I Will Stay Sober” but it was difficult. Deep down I knew I would only wake up worse for wear with anxiety running wild. Instead I stayed sober and I slept well, woke with a calm mind ready for the day ahead.

It’s funny that this day almost triggered me because also this week I had two alcohol dreams. Having had them before when I tried to give up previously. I wake feeling very upset that I had given in. In my dreams I wasn’t offered on either occasions the chance to say no? Down I glance to see a glass in my hand I was drinking from, only to realise it was fizz. Thankfully I woke with more resolve to not drink again.

Is Staying Sober Ruining Things?

As this week has progressed my mind once again has begun to try and romanticise drinking for me.
Which is the reason why I am here once more and so soon. I need to put to rest any thoughts of
‘how nice it would be if…’

• Drank just whilst on holiday not when I am home.
• Just had one for special celebrations.
• Sitting in the sun, in the garden would be ok, just the one.
• I’m spoiling the night for others cause I won’t drink.

The reality to all the above is I would continue until I made myself poorly again.

When I am feeling this way, I analyse what is going on and I recognised that I am feeling guilty. I don’t want to sit in a pub all night. That’s our usual go to pastime. Without drink to numb the boredom of what we usually do, it is not a desirable evening for me anymore. 

Can’t they see, sitting in a pub at the same table for hours is mind numbing is a hard job. I need some kind of stimulation if we were to go out. As a result of this I don’t want to do anything but avoid these situations. The catch 22 though is that when I say no, I am seen as the one being boring. It is so frustrating I can tell you.

Sober Birthday Celebrabtions

My hubby told me of a conversation he had with his mum this week. She thinks it is strange (like many others), that I don’t want to drink. If i don’t want to drink there must be something wrong. 

We are planning a trip into Manchester centre as a birthday treat for hubby. Remember the last time we went? It resulted in me downing a few too many cocktails and an ouzo shot (as disclosed in a previous post). The night was seen as a great night and now they want to replicate it. Happy to do this I am, and confident I can do this without alcohol. However to my amusement, my mother in law (MIL) seems to think not.

They had conversation went a little like this :-

To my hubby MIL suggested we get a taxi. This was so I (wifey) would not have to drive and therefore could have a drink. Thankfully hubby stood firm and explained we would get a taxi irrespective of me drinking or not. He then informed her further that there is nothing wrong. He told her I am just not drinking right now but I still enjoy going out.

I was amazed and very pleased that he seemed to understand more of how I am feeling. I was impressed he seemed to be coming to terms with me giving up the booze. So I thought. Until he finished his recall with “I told mum that if you don’t want a drink it’s up to you. And adding if you decide to have a bottle of prosecco I would go get it for you”!

Such a shame he was almost there with the support. He has voiced to me previously that I shouldn’t put it in a box. Like I shouldn’t say I’m not drinking incase I change my mind and don’t want to look stupid or something. He doesn’t undestand, that to me, putting it in a box means that I mean business. Every ounce of me intends not to drink alcohol again. All I need now is for hubby and all to truly accept it.

I Will Survive

Getting sober with a family of drinkers is one of the most challenging things I have done to date. But I am strong, I know that booze will not enhance any situation for me. I am frequently practising to embed new patterns of behaviour in my mind. The best thing is I am having lots of fun along the way.