Addiction to Sobriety
Addiction to sobriety. Personally I feel I become addicted to many things, not just alcohol do you? Is it addiction or if it is more of an obsession? Whenever I begin a new phase in my life I have to go all out. Like ‘the gym’ A new program lets say, I become consumed by it. Thinking of when I can get my next session in to developing a stronger lift as soon as I can. Then there are work ideas, I get lots, some good, some not so good. However as soon as I have these ideas I cannot seem to let go unless I realise it is impossible. Or I simply become bored because of lack of results. Food addictionis a whole story in itself! I think that is for another post in the food category at a later date.
But what I have realised in my soberiety through all these things I try, is that I am lacking something.
Consistency.
Consistency really is key to developing lasting lifestyles, hobbies and I suppose it applies to friendships too.
Now how has sobriety brought me to realising that? I feel It has simply cleared my mind. I am not bouncing around in my head on different projects (not as much anyway). Sobriety is enabling me to focus better. When hung over and tired it led me to being unmotivated and had zero enthusiasm for anything other than the next big night out!
Another Stroy
Anyway, here is what I really wanted to share with you. I was at the gym the other day, having a conversation. We were actually talking about clothes, how I switch from my winter wardrobe to summer wardrobe, I was laughing at how ridiculous it is that I cannot fit all my clothes in my wardrobes for all seasons!
This above is not a boast by the way, I know I am very fortunate and thankful for everything I own, but in reality is it just another problem? It really got me analysing why I have so much stuff, does all this stuff make me happy? The true answer is no, but I think what it does is makes me feel a little more secure.
A Little Background
I grew up in a deprived family, let’s say. I was the youngest of four children, three of which were girls. Looking back wearing the same thing became my thing. Affording new outfits for all three of us was difficult for mum. Hand me downs were not my choice of fashion.
The outfit that sticks in my mind most was a wedding my eldest sister was bridesmaid to, it was the only time I remember getting something brand new (excluding school uniforms) Mum must have saved hard and she treated all three of us to the same outfit, a white blouse with a matching white ra-ra skirt. Each skirt had a different coloured trim. Well, you can imagine how long those three skirts lasted little me, freaking years! They were well and truly out of fashion by the time I had outgrown the last one.
So my clothes addiction, or rather shopping addiction which I believe is a real thing, could stem from that couldn’t it?
And Now
I work in retail, I see people regularly and I feel my job requires me to uphold a certain image, that image requires me to look my best at all times …..
Hang on, I’m going to stop myself there because as much as this hurts to write I am not being completely honest with you! Correct me if I am wrong the….REAL reason I shop continuously for clothes is rather shallow and embarrassing. Nevertheless hopefully understandable. Will people assume I am poverty-stricken when seen regularly in the same clothes? just like when I was growing up.
I understand that is such a sad thing for me to be thinking, and I am working on trying to not care less what others think of me to be happy but it is difficult, maybe I leave my clothes addiction for the time being at least it is not damaging my health, I can focus on sobriety for now not caring what people say about that is an effort in itself.
Of all my addictions/obsessions, alcohol is the main one I wish to banish from my life,It does harm to my health, When intoxicated I can hurt others, It controls my mind, and I no longer want that for myself.
Today I am happy and still sober on day 53.
